Penelope Trunk schrijft,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
INFJ pain point: you’re frustrated because someone close to you is misguided and not listening to your input. Then, to realign them, you provide more context.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The reality is they’re not going to shift to the degree you want; a deep, meaningful change of heart is off the table. But adjustment is possible if you skip the context and just tell them what you want them to do<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n INFJs often approach these conversations with an essay about why<\/em>something matters, when what they need is a clear, simple request about what<\/em> they want to happen. Before you have the conversation, separate your emotional need from your behavioral request. This way you can lead with the request, not the underlying meaning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Example: flowers. Say you want your spouse to give you flowers. They respond: “<\/em>Flowers are a clich\u00e9. They die. I hate buying something so stupid.“<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n An effective INFJ response would be: “I hear that you don’t like giving flowers. But I like receiving them, even if you think they’re not meaningful. So could you give me flowers once a month?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n I tried this myself. I don’t have the same light touch as an INFJ, but I am good at zeroing-in on what I want. At first, I got cheap, grocery-store flowers. I said, “Thank you. It feels good that you listened to me.” Then I texted a link with “<\/em>Next time, buy the flowers at this shop.” It worked. The flowers were beautiful month after month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As an INFJ you don’t want to be merely heard; you want to be understood. But no one will ever fully share your inner framework. Even the people who love you most will see the world differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes respect won’t feel like deep understanding. Sometimes it shows up as a gesture you had to spell out. Action before meaning is unsatisfying at first, but it’s also proof the person cares enough to meet you halfway. And often, meaning grows from repeated actions. What starts as “fine, I’ll get the flowers” can, over time, become “I understand why flowers matter.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n INFJ<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0ENFJ<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0INFP<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0ENFP<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0INTJ<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0ENTJ<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0INTP<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0ENTP<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Penelope Trunk schrijft, INFJ pain point: you’re frustrated because someone close to you is misguided and not listening to your input. Then, to realign them, you provide more context. The reality is they’re not going to shift to the degree you want; a deep, meaningful change of heart is off the table. But adjustment isRead more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4669,1771,4356],"tags":[4918,4916],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69105"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=69105"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69105\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69107,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69105\/revisions\/69107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=69105"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=69105"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=69105"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}