{"id":36175,"date":"2009-03-07T15:56:44","date_gmt":"2009-03-07T15:56:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/?p=36175"},"modified":"2015-07-21T16:05:18","modified_gmt":"2015-07-21T16:05:18","slug":"that-crafty-feeling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.imhd.nl\/log\/that-crafty-feeling\/","title":{"rendered":"that crafty feeling"},"content":{"rendered":"

What follows is a version of a lecture given to the students of Columbia University\u2019s writing programme in New York on Monday 24th March 2008. The brief: \u201cto speak about some aspect of your craft.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Macro Planners and Micro Managers<\/p>\n

First, a caveat: what I have to say about craft extends no further than my own experience, which is what it is\u201412 years and three novels. Although this lecture will be divided into ten short sections meant to mark the various stages in the writing of a novel, what they most accurately describe, in truth, is the writing of my novels. That being said, I want to offer you a pair of ugly terms for two breeds of novelist: the Macro Planner and the Micro Manager.<\/p>\n

You will recognise a Macro Planner from his Post-its, from those Moleskines he insists on buying. A Macro Planner makes notes, organises material, configures a plot and creates a structure\u2014all before he writes the title page. This structural security gives him a great deal of freedom of movement. It\u2019s not uncommon for Macro Planners to start writing their novels in the middle. As they progress, forwards or backwards, their difficulties multiply with their choices. I know Macro Planners who obsessively exchange possible endings for one another, who take characters out and put them back in, reverse the order of chapters and perform frequent\u2014for me, unthinkable\u2014radical surgery on their novels: moving the setting of a book from London to Berlin, for example, or changing the title. I can\u2019t stand to hear them speak about all this, not because I disapprove, but because other people\u2019s methods are always so incomprehensible and horrifying. I am a Micro Manager. I start at the first sentence of a novel and I finish at the last. It would never occur to me to choose among three different endings because I haven\u2019t the slightest idea of the ending until I get to it, a fact that will surprise no one who has read my novels. Macro Planners have their houses largely built from day one, and so their obsession is internal\u2014they\u2019re forever moving the furniture. They\u2019ll put a chair in the bedroom, the lounge, the kitchen and then back in the bedroom again. Micro Managers build a house floor by floor, discretely and in its entirety. Each floor needs to be sturdy and fully decorated with all the furniture in place before the next is built on top of it. There\u2019s wallpaper in the hall even if the stairs lead nowhere at all.<\/p>\n

Because Micro Managers have no grand plan, their novels exist only in their present moment, in a sensibility, in the novel\u2019s tonal frequency line by line. When I begin a novel I feel there is nothing of that novel outside of the sentences I am setting down. I have to be very careful: the whole nature of the thing changes by the choice of a few words. This induces a special breed of pathology for which I have another ugly name: OPD or obsessive perspective disorder. It occurs mainly in the first 20 pages. It\u2019s a kind of existential drama, a long answer to the short question What kind of a novel am I writing? It manifests itself in a compulsive fixation on perspective and voice. In one day the first 20 pages can go from first-person present tense, to third-person past tense, to third-person present tense, to first-person past tense, and so on. Several times a day I change it. Because I am an English novelist enslaved to an ancient tradition, with each novel I have ended up exactly where I began: third person, past tense. But months are spent switching back and forth. Opening other people\u2019s novels, you recognise fellow Micro Managers: that opening pile-up of too-careful, obsessively worried-over sentences, a block of stilted verbiage that only loosens and relaxes after the 20-page mark is passed. In the case of On Beauty, my OPD spun completely out of control: I reworked those first 20 pages for almost two years. To look back at all past work induces nausea, but the first 20 pages in particular bring on heart palpitations. It\u2019s like taking a tour of a cell in which you were once incarcerated.<\/p>\n

Yet while OPD is happening, somehow the work of the rest of the novel gets done. That\u2019s the strange thing. It\u2019s as if you\u2019re winding the key of a toy car tighter and tighter\u2026 When you finally let it go, it travels at a crazy speed. When I finally settled on a tone, the rest of the book was finished in five months. Worrying over the first 20 pages is a way of working on the whole novel, a way of finding its structure, its plot, its characters\u2014all of which, for a Micro Manager, are contained in the sensibility of a sentence. Once the tone is there, all else follows. You hear interior decorators say the same about a shade of paint.<\/p>\n

2. Other People\u2019s Words, Part One<\/p>\n

It\u2019s such a confidence trick, writing a novel. The main person you have to trick into confidence is yourself. This is hard to do alone. I gather sentences round me, quotations, the literary equivalent of a cheerleading squad. Except that analogy\u2019s screwy\u2014cheerleaders cheer. I put up placards that make me feel bad. For five years I had a line from Gravity\u2019s Rainbow stuck to my door:<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have to find meters whose scales are unknown in the world, draw our own schematics, getting feedback, making connections, reducing the error, trying to learn the real function\u2026 zeroing in on what incalculable plot?\u201d<\/p>\n

At that time, I guess I thought that it was the duty of the novel to rigorously pursue hidden information: personal, political, historical. I say I guess because I don\u2019t recognise that writer any more, and already find her idea of the novel oppressive, alien, useless. I don\u2019t think this feeling is unusual, especially when you start out. Not long ago I sat next to a young Portuguese novelist at dinner and told him I intended to read his first novel. He grabbed my wrist, genuinely distressed, and said: \u201cOh, please don\u2019t! Back then, all I read was Faulkner. I had no sense of humour. My God, I was a different person!\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how it goes. Other people\u2019s words are so important. And then without warning they stop being important, along with all those words of yours that their words prompted you to write. Much of the excitement of a new novel lies in the repudiation of the one written before. Other people\u2019s words are the bridge you use to cross from where you were to wherever you\u2019re going.<\/p>\n

Recently I came across a new quote. It\u2019s my screen saver now, my little scrap of confidence as I try to write a novel. It is a thought of Derrida\u2019s and very simple:
\n\u201cIf a right to a secret is not maintained then we are in a totalitarian space.\u201d
\nWhich is to say: enough of human dissection, of entering the brains of characters, cracking them open, rooting every secret out! For now, this is the new attitude. Years from now, when this book is done and another begins, another change will come.
\n\u201cMy God, I was a different person!\u201d\u2014I think many writers think this, from book to book. A new novel, begun in hope and enthusiasm, grows shameful and strange to its author soon enough. After each book is done, you look forward to hating it (and you never have to wait long); there is a weird, inverse confidence to be had from feeling destroyed, because being destroyed, having to start again, means you have space in front of you, somewhere to go. Think of that revelation Shakespeare put in the mouth of King John: \u201cNow my soul has elbow room!\u201d Fictionally speaking, the nightmare is losing the desire to move.<\/p>\n

3. Other People\u2019s Words, Part Two<\/p>\n

Some writers won\u2019t read a word of any novel while they\u2019re writing their own. Not one word. They don\u2019t even want to see the cover of a novel. As they write, the world of fiction dies: no one has ever written, no one is writing, no one will ever write again. Try to recommend a good novel to a writer of this type while he\u2019s writing and he\u2019ll give you a look like you just stabbed him in the heart with a kitchen knife. It\u2019s a matter of temperament. Some writers are the kind of solo violinists who need complete silence to tune their instruments. Others want to hear every member of the orchestra\u2014they\u2019ll take a cue from a clarinet, from an oboe, even. I am one of those. <\/p>\n

My writing desk is covered in open novels. I read lines to swim in a certain sensibility, to strike a particular note, to encourage rigour when I\u2019m too sentimental, to bring verbal ease when I\u2019m syntactically uptight. I think of reading like a balanced diet; if your sentences are baggy, too baroque, cut back on fatty Foster Wallace, say, and pick up Kafka, as roughage. If your aesthetic has become so refined it is stopping you from placing a single black mark on white paper, stop worrying so much about what Nabokov would say; pick up Dostoyevsky, patron saint of substance over style.<\/p>\n

Yet you meet students who feel that reading while you write is unhealthy. Their sense is that it corrupts voice by influence and, moreover, that reading great literature creates a sense of oppression. For how can you pipe out your little mouse song when Kafka\u2019s Josephine the Mouse Singer pipes so much more loudly and beautifully than you ever could? To this way of thinking, the sovereignty of one\u2019s individuality is the vital thing, and it must be protected at any price, even if it means cutting oneself off from that literary echo chamber EM Forster described, in which writers speak so helpfully to one another, across time and space. Well, each to their own, I suppose.
\nFor me, that echo chamber was essential. I was 14 when I heard John Keats in there and in my mind I formed a bond with him, a bond based on class\u2014though how archaic that must sound, here in America. Keats was not working-class, exactly, nor black\u2014but in rough outline his situation seemed closer to mine than the other writers I came across. He felt none of the entitlement of, say, Virginia Woolf, or Byron, or Pope, or Evelyn Waugh or even PG Wodehouse and Agatha Christie. Keats offers his readers the possibility of entering writing from a side door, the one marked \u201cApprentices Welcome Here.\u201d For Keats went about his work like an apprentice; he took a kind of MFA of the mind, albeit alone, and for free, in his little house in Hampstead. A suburban, lower- middle-class boy, a few steps removed from the literary scene, he made his own scene out of the books of his library. He never feared influence\u2014he devoured influences. He wanted to learn from them, even at the risk of their voices swamping his own. And the feeling of apprenticeship never left him: you see it in his early experiments in poetic form; in the letters he wrote to friends expressing his fledgling literary ideas; it\u2019s there, famously, in his reading of Chapman\u2019s Homer, and the fear that he might cease to be before his pen had gleaned his teeming brain. The term role model is so odious, but the truth is it\u2019s a very strong writer indeed who gets by without a model kept somewhere in mind. I think of Keats. Keats slogging away, devouring books, plagiarising, impersonating, adapting, struggling, growing, writing many poems that made him blush and then a few that made him proud, learning everything he could from whomever he could find, dead or alive, who might have something useful to teach him.<\/p>\n

4. Middle-of-the-Novel Magical Thinking<\/p>\n

In the middle of a novel, a kind of magical thinking takes over. To clarify, the middle of the novel may not happen in the actual geographical centre of the novel. By middle of the novel I mean whatever page you are on when you stop being part of your household and your family and your partner and children and food shopping and dog feeding and reading the post\u2014I mean when there is nothing in the world except your book, and even as your wife tells you she\u2019s sleeping with your brother her face is a gigantic semi-colon, her arms are parentheses and you are wondering whether rummage is a better verb than rifle. The middle of a novel is a state of mind. Strange things happen in it. Time collapses. You sit down to write at 9am, you blink, the evening news is on and 4,000 words are written, more words than you wrote in three long months, a year ago. Something has changed. And it\u2019s not restricted to the house. If you go outside, everything\u2014I mean, everything\u2014flows freely into your novel. Someone on the bus says something\u2014it\u2019s straight out of your novel. You open the paper\u2014every single story in the paper is directly relevant to your novel. If you are fortunate enough to have someone waiting to publish your novel, this is the point at which you phone them in a panic and try to get your publication date brought forward because you cannot believe how in tune the world is with your unfinished novel right now, and if it isn\u2019t published next Tuesday maybe the moment will pass and you will have to kill yourself.<\/p>\n

Magical thinking makes you crazy\u2014and renders everything possible. Incredibly knotty problems of structure now resolve themselves with inspired ease. See that one paragraph? It only needs to be moved, and the whole chapter falls into place! Why didn\u2019t you see that before? You randomly pick a poetry book off the shelf and the first line you read ends up being your epigraph\u2014it seems to have been written for no other reason.<\/p>\n

5. Dismantling the Scaffolding<\/p>\n

When building a novel you will use a lot of scaffolding. Some of this is necessary to hold the thing up, but most isn\u2019t. The majority of it is only there to make you feel secure, and in fact the building will stand without it. Each time I\u2019ve written a long piece of fiction I\u2019ve felt the need for an enormous amount of scaffolding. With me, scaffolding comes in many forms. The only way to write this novel is to divide it into three sections of ten chapters each. Or five sections of seven chapters. Or the answer is to read the Old Testament and model each chapter on the books of the prophets. Or the divisions of the Bhagavad Gita. Or the Psalms. Or Ulysses. Or the songs of Public Enemy. Or the films of Grace Kelly. Or the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Or the liner notes to The White Album. Or the 27 speeches Donald Rumsfeld gave to the press corps during his tenure.<\/p>\n

Scaffolding holds up confidence when you have none, reduces the despair, creates a goal\u2014however artificial\u2014an end point. Use it to divide what seems like an endless, unmarked journey, though by doing this, like Zeno, you infinitely extend the distance you need to go.<\/p>\n

Later, when the book is printed and old and dog-eared, it occurs to me that I really didn\u2019t need any of that scaffolding. The book would have been far better off without it. But when I was putting it up, it felt vital, and once it was there, I\u2019d worked so hard to get it there I was loath to take it down. If you are writing a novel at the moment and putting up scaffolding, well, I hope it helps you, but don\u2019t forget to dismantle it later. Or if you\u2019re determined to leave it out there for all to see, at least hang a nice fa\u00e7ade over it, as the Romans do when they fix up their palazzi.<\/p>\n

6. First 20 Pages, Redux<\/p>\n

Late in the novel, in the last quarter, when I am rolling downhill, I turn back to read those first 20 pages. They are packed tighter than tuna in a can. Calmly, I take off the top, let a little air in. What\u2019s amusing about the first 20 pages\u2014they are funny now, three years later, now I\u2019m no longer locked up in them\u2014is how little confidence you have in your readers when you begin. You spoon-feed them everything. You can\u2019t let a character walk across the room without giving her backstory as she goes. You don\u2019t trust the reader to have a little patience, a little intelligence. This reader, who, for all you know, has read Thomas Bernhard, Finnegans Wake, Gertrude Stein, Georges Perec\u2014yet you\u2019re worried that if you don\u2019t mention in the first three pages that Sarah Malone is a social worker with a dead father, this talented reader might not be able to follow you exactly. It\u2019s awful, the swing of the literary fraudulence pendulum: from moment to moment you can\u2019t decide whether you\u2019re the fraudulent idiot or your reader is the fraudulent idiot. For writers who work with character a good deal, going back to the first 20 pages is also a lesson in how much more delicate a thing character is than you think it is when you\u2019re writing it. The idea of forming people out of grammatical clauses seems so fantastical at the start that you hide your terror in a smokescreen of elaborate sentence making, as if character can be drawn forcibly out of the curlicues of certain adjectives piled ruthlessly on top of one another. In fact, character occurs with the lightest of brushstrokes. Naturally, it can be destroyed lightly, too. I think of a creature called Odradek, who at first glance appears to be a \u201cflat star-shaped spool for thread\u201d but who is not quite this, Odradek who won\u2019t stop rolling down the stairs, trailing string behind him, who has a laugh that sounds as if it has no lungs behind it, a laugh like rustling leaves. You can find the inimitable Odradek in a one-page story of Kafka\u2019s called \u201cThe Cares of a Family Man.\u201d Curious Odradek is more memorable to me than characters I spent three years on, and 500 pages.<\/p>\n

7. The Last Day<\/p>\n

There is one great advantage to being a Micro Manager rather than a Macro Planner: the last day of your novel truly is the last day. If you edit as you go along, there are no first, second, third drafts. There is only one draft, and when it\u2019s done, it\u2019s done. Who can find anything bad to say about the last day of a novel? It\u2019s a feeling of happiness that knocks me clean out of adjectives. I think sometimes that the best reason for writing novels is to experience those four and a half hours after you write the final word. The last time it happened to me, I uncorked a good Sancerre I\u2019d been keeping and drank it standing up with the bottle in my hand, and then I lay down in my backyard on the paving stones and stayed there for a long time, crying. It was sunny, late autumn, and there were apples everywhere, overripe and stinky.<\/p>\n

8. Step Away from the Vehicle<\/p>\n

You can ignore everything else in this lecture except number eight. It is the only absolutely 24-carat-gold-plated piece of advice I have to give you. I\u2019ve never taken it myself, though one day I hope to. The advice is as follows.<\/p>\n

When you finish your novel, if money is not a desperate priority, if you do not need to sell it at once or be published that very second\u2014put it in a drawer. For as long as you can manage. A year or more is ideal\u2014but even three months will do. Step away from the vehicle. The secret to editing your work is simple: you need to become its reader instead of its writer. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve sat backstage with a line of novelists at some festival, all of us with red pens in hand, frantically editing our published novels into fit form so that we might go onstage and read from them. It\u2019s an unfortunate thing, but it turns out that the perfect state of mind to edit your own novel is two years after it\u2019s published, ten minutes before you go onstage at a literary festival. At that moment every redundant phrase, each show-off, pointless metaphor, all the pieces of deadwood, stupidity, vanity and tedium are distressingly obvious to you. Two years earlier, when the proofs came, you looked at the same page and couldn\u2019t see a comma out of place. And by the way, that\u2019s true of the professional editors, too; after they\u2019ve read a manuscript multiple times, they stop being able to see it. You need a certain head on your shoulders to edit a novel, and it\u2019s not the head of a writer in the thick of it, nor the head of a professional editor who\u2019s read it in 12 different versions. It\u2019s the head of a smart stranger who picks it off a bookshelf and begins to read. You need to get the head of that smart stranger somehow. You need to forget you ever wrote that book.<\/p>\n

9. The Unbearable Cruelty of Proofs<\/p>\n

Proofs are so cruel! Breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain. Proofs are the wasteland where the dream of your novel dies and cold reality asserts itself. When I look at loose-leaf proofs, fresh out of the envelope, bound with a thick elastic band, marked up by a conscientious copy editor, I feel quite sure I would have to become a different person entirely to do the work that needs to be done here. To correct what needs correcting, fix what needs to be fixed. The only proper response to an envelope full of marked-up pages is \u201cGive it back to me! Let me start again!\u201d But no one says this because by this point exhaustion has set in. It\u2019s not the book you hoped for, maybe something might yet be done\u2014but the will is gone. There\u2019s simply no more will to be had. That\u2019s why proofs are so cruel, so sad: the existence of the proof itself is proof that it is already too late. I\u2019ve only ever seen one happy proof, in King\u2019s College Library: the manuscript of TS Eliot\u2019s The Waste Land. Eliot, upon reaching his own point of exhaustion, had the extreme good fortune to meet Ezra Pound, a very smart stranger, and with his red pen Ezra went to work. And what work! His pen goes everywhere, trimming, cutting, slicing, a frenzy of editing, the why and wherefore not especially obvious, at times, indeed, almost ridiculous; almost, at times, indiscriminate\u2026 Whole pages struck out with a single line.<\/p>\n

Underneath Pound\u2019s markings, The Waste Land is a sad proof like any other\u2014too long, full of lines not worth keeping, badly structured. Lucky Eliot, to have Ezra Pound. Lucky Fitzgerald, to have Maxwell Perkins. Lucky Carver, we now know, to have Gordon Lish. Hypocrite lecteur!\u2014mon semblable\u2014mon fr\u00e8re! Where have all the smart strangers gone?<\/p>\n

10. Years Later: Nausea, Surprise and Feeling OK<\/p>\n

I find it very hard to read my books after they\u2019re published. I\u2019ve never read White Teeth. Five years ago I tried; I got about ten sentences in before I was overwhelmed with nausea. More recently, when people tell me they have just read that book, I do try to feel pleased, but it\u2019s a distant, disconnected sensation, like when someone tells you they met your second cousin in a bar in Goa. I suspect White Teeth and I may never be reconciled\u2014I think that\u2019s simply what happens when you begin writing a book at the age of 21. Then, a year ago, I was in an airport somewhere and I saw a copy of The Autograph Man, and on a whim, I bought it. On the plane I had to drink two of those mini bottles of wine before I had the stomach to begin. I didn\u2019t manage the whole thing, but I read about two-thirds, and at that incredible speed with which you can read a book if you happen to have written it. And it was actually not such a bad experience\u2014I laughed a few times, groaned more than I laughed and gave up when the wine wore off\u2014but for the first time, I felt something other than nausea. I felt surprise. The book was genuinely strange to me; there were whole pages I didn\u2019t recognise, didn\u2019t remember writing. And because it was so strange I didn\u2019t feel any particular animosity towards it. So that was that: between that book and me there now exists a sort of blank truce, neither pleasant nor unpleasant.<\/p>\n

Finally, while writing this lecture, I picked up On Beauty. I read maybe a third of it, not consecutively, but chapters here and there. As usual, the nausea; as usual, the feeling of fraudulence and the too-late desire to wield the red pen all over the place\u2014but something else, too, something new. Here and there\u2014in very isolated pockets \u2014I had the sense that this line, that paragraph, these were exactly what I meant to write, and the fact was, I\u2019d written them, and I felt OK about it, felt good, even. It\u2019s a feeling I recommend to all of you. That feeling feels OK.<\/p>\n

This lecture appears in her new collection \u201cChanging My Mind: Occasional Essays\u201d (Hamish Hamilton). \u00a9 Zadie Smith<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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